The Eight Commandments (in no particular order)

I
Thou shalt not poop excessively without reason.

II
Thou shalt not be a sucker to THE MAN.

III
Thou shalt love the Colbert.

IV
Thou shalt be a team player - remember, there is no "I" in COLBERT. But there is a "COLBERT!"

V
Thou shalt kick some ass in the name of The Daily Show.

VI
Thou shalt not insult Colbert's mom.

VII
Thou shalt make others feel insignificant when showing them how wonderful you are.

VIII
Thou shalt judge others only by their taste in music and movies and TV, and occasionally ways of dressing. Any other judgement is SUPERFICIAL.